Let's be honest: we would all prefer to do our serious business in the privacy and sanctuary of our own home. But we're not home. We are some place else and we cannot ignore the colonic pressure any longer.

Excusing ourselves, we go looking for the bathroom. Hoping for a fast turn around, we hasten our steps towards the bathroom only to find......oh no.....a long line......<sigh>. Minutes pass that seem like hours. The body doth protest. Inevitably one imagines how much fun the group is having while we're stuck in this line. Meanwhile, you're just another idiot staring at his smartphone and clenching his buttocks.

Finally we are a few folks deep from our turn, when the door opens and a woft of unpleasantness smacks us in the face. Fuck. Really? It's bad. Really bad. And we have to go in. No toilet seat covers! I'll make one out of toilet paper after wiping the disgusting seat. Or should I hover? Jesus, god, this is humiliating! An impatient knock at the door leads to further helplessness and disempowerment. All we can do is sit and ponder whether breathing through the nose or mouth is less disgusting.

We don’t want to have to move our bowels in such a situation. We certainly don’t want to do it in a disgusting bathroom, and the indignity of having to wait in line to do so....well, that's disempowering.

The only thing worse than this is waiting in a long line for a bloated port-a-potty at a sweltering hot and humid beer festival.