Working with your own Disempowerment

We are having an experience we don’t want to be having, by our own doing or dumb luck, and there is nothing we can do about it. This is disempowerment.

People are so resistant to this feeling. Yet the irony is by trying to move away from the experience of disempowerment, we actually disempower ourselves even further. Let’s face it, we feel disempowered…..often. That is what happens in life, and if we resist what is happening, it persists. What we resist persists.

We are offering a way to help you surrender to your disempowerment so you can move through it quickly and end up in a better place. Everyone wins here! You will feel better sooner, and those around you won’t be on the receiving end of your struggle with yourself against your own disempowerment.

Most people spend a tremendous amount of time and energy in the struggle against feeling disempowered. Often times, when this fails (as it inevitably must), we go into some combination of self-blame and self-pity. ‘

‘Damnit, I shouldn’t even be feeling this way, why can’t I snap out of this, and this shouldn’t even be bothering me this much, anyway, I mean what do I have to be sad about, really, and furthermore…..’ 

Further disempowerment.

So we say: Surrender to the experience of disempowerment. Let it have you. The way past it is through it.

So how does this work?

By acknowledging the disempowerment, we are naming an experience we are having. By naming an experience, it gives us a little distance from the experience.

It also validates reality. Reality validation feels really, REALLY good.

With this acknowledgement can come acceptance. With acceptance the experience simply moves through. No self-blame, no victim.   

The thing is, everything we have been taught tells us to do the exact opposite. We are taught either to blame ourselves for the experience we are having, or we teach ourselves to blame others. We thrash and struggle. We curse and stomp. We yell at other drivers. We withdraw petulantly.

Why?

THIS SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING.

But it is.

THAT PERSON SHOULDN’T BE DOING THAT

But they are.

I SHOULDN’T BE FEELING THIS WAY.

Yet I am.

BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE.

But I am.

Byron Katie: ‘If you argue with reality, you will loose, but only 100% of the time’

We are all taught the wrong way to feel better.

What most of us do inside our own minds falls into one of these: 

What we hear from others:

Advice (What I should have done is….., or Here is what I should do NOW)

Downplayed and/or Invalidated (This is not that big of a deal)

Mocked (Whiny bitch)

Feed the fire of anxiety and fear (Oh my God, things are going to hell)

Reframe (I’m sure there’s a good lesson here somewhere)

Coddled (Oh baby, I’m so sorry, I’ll make it better)

False sympathy (poor baby)

Listen (Let you rant about what happened…..)

This may include:

‘Don’t let life get you down’

‘Why weren’t you paying attention’

‘You’ll find the silver lining’

‘Turn that frown upside down’

‘Why did you create that for yourself’

‘What were you thinking!’

‘You know what you should have done………’

‘Here’s where you went wrong’

‘It’ll be fine’

‘Stop being such a pussy’

‘Suck it up’

‘What are you so upset about’

‘Get over it’

‘Boo Hoo’

‘It’s not that big of a deal’

‘Dumbass’

As opposed to: ‘I’m disempowered’

Or

As opposed to (from another): ‘Yeah, you’re disempowered’.

We’re talking about empathy and acceptance of what it.

So now for some unsolicited practical advice:

First: Name it when it is happening. ‘I’m Disempowered’.

Feel it: Notice the feelings in your body, what is it actually like to be disempowered

Body practice: Exaggerate it: neck forward, shoulders slumped, stomach protruded

Exhale deeply: Don’t be afraid to sigh, a ‘goddamn it’ also feels good

Let yourself have it.

Own it: You’re disempowered. It’s okay.

Support others in letting it be what is.

You will find that soon you won’t feel so disempowered.

Be a good friend:

Support them in being with what is:

‘Hey, you sound disempowered’

Make it a real experience without commentary.

Let it be what it is.

That is being a friend.

Stop giving unsolicited advice!

Stop making it wrong!

Stop trying to avoid the experience.

There is no way out.

Resistance is futile.

Disempowerment if part of life.

Embrace it. Or it will embrace you.